High School

Its been a ridiculously long time since I have posted anything but I feel the need to as my time in high school ends. First off I need to say going to Notre Dame High School was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It was honestly the best place for me, and I'm still having a hard time accepting that I'm leaving. There are so many people at that school who have become like family to me. At Notre Dame I felt safe enough to be open about my struggles with cystic fibrosis. Where I could talk to my friends or a teacher about what I was going through. I am extremely thankful for that. I also made so amazing memories at Notre Dame some ones that are very recent and others that are soon to come. I cannot imagine being the person I am without the friends and memories I have made. This school has changed who I am, and made me realize the kind of person I want to be. So as graduation approaches this Sunday, a lot of tears will be shed because I will always remember the amazing times I had here. And to that I would like to say thank you Notre Dame, its been the best time of my life. <3 p="">

3 Ways Cystic Fibrosis has Affected Me.

1.) How I View Life: Most teenagers tend to view life with a carefree attitude. Smoking is ok, Drinking is ok, What's the worst that can happen? Some even go through life with this "I'm invincible mindset," which thanks to cystic fibrosis i don't have the luxury of having that attitude. This I like to think of as a blessing and a curse. The blessing part would be I don't take life for granted, I have fun with my friends, I work my but off in high school, and I do treatments three times a day. I'm not saying my mindset is better, I'm saying its different, I'm not judging either, and I am aware no one has a perfect life but our views are different based on what we have experienced. What I have experienced has made me value friendships, my beliefs, and being able to walk into school each day. This also has made me an anxious person. For a long period of time I was sick. I am still recovering from that not physically but mentally making me show symptoms for PTS, and sometimes when i get a mild illness or virus i get anxious and have even had small midlife crisis where i would think because i have cystic fibrosis i was going to die at the exact life expectancy time.

2.) Being self conscious- Now 99 percent of the time I am an extremely out going confident person, or at least act it, But I am a teenage girl There are lots of things i don't like about my body or personality, But to start off with the thing that bothers me the most is my height. I am a 16 year old who is 4'11 and weighs 90 pounds. Now this isn't just related to Cystic Fibrosis or that both my parents are short (5'2 and 5'6) but it is also because a steroid called prendisone came into my life around 6th grade. It was there to help my asprogilous and it did but along with it my body swelled up and i stopped growing for 2 years. I am growing again because my bone age is only 14 right now, so i have 2 more years to grow than other girls. This still though is a confidence breaker for me especially when shopping for pants and dresses. Now most of the time pants i can find but dresses are extremely hard for me. When you shop for dresses you're supposed to feel pretty I feel miss-shaped. Its always too long or too big. Its extremely frustrating and even now in October I am already dreading dress shopping for my junior prom. My friends always tease me about my height and i honestly don't care it doesn't bother me what bothers me most is when I get embarrassed by my height or when i go out to eat and get a kids menu (except for at friendly's, than I'm happy :) ) Another thing I'm self conscious about is coughing. I hate when I'm at school and I just get a coughing fit randomly and just feel awkward or when I'm over a friends and start coughing, One time my friends mom handed me a handful of cough drops, I just took them even though i knew it wouldn't help. But I try my hardest not to let cystic fibrosis define my life or make me feel bad about myself.

3.) Exercise and Eating- Now with Cystic Fibrosis I thought i was invincible, I could eat whatever whenever and nothing would happen. Which to an extent is true. One really big plus with cf is being able to eat high fat high calorie foods. BUT it really isn't good to eat like that all the time even with CF you still need to eat fruits and veggies and have a balanced diet. I am going to be honest I'm not so good with eating fruits and i eat veggies maybe twice a day but i am going to try. Another very touchy subject for me is exercising. The best exercise for someone with cystic fibrosis is running or swimming (cardiovascular) I HATE RUNNING. So much but i have done couch to 5 k and am starting up again because it is so important. Seriously though I would much rather play a sport like basketball that do at home workout but my height isn't really helping there so i  need to find things to encourage me to keep going like sprinting for spring track (personal goal this year) So i just need to work on it and set a goal and its possible.

So those are 3 ways CF has affected my life :) thank you for reading <3

TRAVELING WITH CF

So tomorrow i will be leaving for peer leader camp. It is a sleep away camp for the weekend. That means i have to bring my vest, treatment machine, pills, and medicine. I've slept over friends houses before but have never gone to a camp with people i barely know and a few of my friends... so i am very nervous about the whole thing because I'm not comfortable with everyone seeing my giant vest in its giant bag so this has been on my mind alot lately, i don't think anyone will care and i am over reacting with the amount of nervous i am but i just hope all goes well and i am able to report back good things sunday night <3. Wish me luck

You gotta keep ur head up

yeah its been awhile since i did one of these.... awkward um so basic overview update thing. i started running again.. yeah we have this on and off relationship.. its whatever so i am healthy for now and things are looking up I'm tracking my calories to help gain weight and am hopefully going to have an awesome year :) i have been dealing with being insecure about my height for a long time but this school year I'm going to try my absolute best to be confident (not cocky) and to just to be proud of who i am and have fun and try not to focus on the things i cant control because i do they too much i focus on all my insecurities and all bad things about my self to often i am going to do this with confidence and not going to let my height my looks my bad traits define me here we go :)

Doctors

HI so i know its been a really long time, mostly because i have nothing really to talk about. Yes, my life is very boring so I wanna try and start just writing about my like life on here just to keep it updated more often. So I have the doctors today and i am kind of nervous. I am afraid that my PFTs are gonna be worse because I haven't been really running lately. So i think that they will be worse because i havn't kept up with that. So i'll let you know what happens.

I Feel Good

So I had a cold a couple of days ago and I had like a little fever which of course caused me to freak out. ( I am positive I have post traumatic stress disorder from 8th grade). So instead of being admitted to the hospital, thank god, They gave me two pills to take and I was feeling better. Yesterday though basically made me feel amazing. I decided to run and I didn't think I would make it the entire run but I did and it felt freaking awesome. I had this defeated mindset that you know It didn't matter and it was wrong and I sort of proved myself wrong by running. Also I have been having trouble maintaining my weight, but these past few days home I have been eating like so much food. So yeah, basically screw you cold I'm back and I feel great :).

The New Year

So it is the New Year and my #1 resolution is to actually update my blog and i really do mean it this time! I am going to set it as my home page and do it more often maybe people will actually read it if i do that lol. So anyway yeah it is a brand new year which i always think of as a fresh start and a new beginning. 2010 was an okay year but i think that 2011 can be better. I have been running three times a week which makes my PFTs like skyrocket it is crazy. So i intend to keep up with that God willing, and also i want just be more comfortable with my self and be true to myself so that I can really have an amazing year. I am not saying that i expect the year to be perfect I mean i already have a cold which scares the begesus out of me because i still kind of have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being in and out of the hospital for so long. But yeah i am going to try and make this my most fun best year yet and you should too, do something exciting new whatever! Have fun and live your life to the fullest this year. K I'll write soon. Peace :)